“I’ll see what I can do.” I’m going to have to at least do some research on what these are about so I can have a conversation with her since I’m sure she’s going to bring them up again. Saige isn’t the kind of person who forgets things like this.

“Good. Because you need to experience it.” She sighs happily. Maybe I can read the books with Lizzy or something. I’m going to see her this weekend. I’ve felt so off-balance lately and I need someone familiar to ground me.

Saige and I talk more about what books we have and haven’t read and movies we have and haven’t seen. I’m not sure which one of starts yawning, but soon we’re lying back against the pillows in our robes, the spaces between our responses longer and longer as we both struggle to stay awake.

Finally, we both succumb to the mix of food and drinks and pass out.

I wake up on my stomach, my arm thrown over Saige, who is curling as close to me as she can. Instead of being calm in repose, her eyebrows are drawn together and she’s making soft sounds that probably woke me. Her body twitches, as if she’s dreaming something upsetting.

I wait a moment and then softly shake her.

“Saige,” I say. “Wake up.” Her eyes fly open and she gasps, shoving herself away from me.

“Saige! It’s me. It’s Quinn. I think you were having a dream.” She sputters and blinks a few times and then starts to relax.

“I’m sorry,” she says, pushing her hair out of her eyes. It was straight last night, but the natural curl has started to come back. Like it can’t be tamed, even by heat.

“Are you okay?” I reach out to her, but she puts one hand up to stop me.

“I’m fine. I just… I need to use the bathroom.” She gets up and walks to the bathroom and closes the door. I hear the lock click.

I rub the sleep out of my own eyes and check the clock. It’s five in the morning. My plan was to rise early, take her to breakfast and then drop her back at her place so she can get ready for class. Her first one isn’t until nine and I planned on showing up late for work.

The water runs in the bathroom, but the sound is steady, as if she just turned the sink on for noise. I wait a few more minutes and then softly walk to the closed door and knock.

“Saige? Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she says, and I can tell she’s anything but.

“Let me in,” I say.

“No.” I think about banging on the door and demanding she let me in, but I don’t think that tactic will work with her.

“Please let me in? I’m worried about you,” I say and it’s not a complete lie.

I wait for a few seconds and then the water turns off and the door opens.

She’s crying. Her eyes are red and puffy and there are streaks on her cheeks from last night’s makeup that she never took off.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. I’m not quite sure what to do in this situation. I have no idea why she’s crying or what I can do to help her.

“Nothing,” she says, leaning against the sink and wiping her cheeks.

“Well, if it was nothing then you wouldn’t be crying. Did you have a bad dream?” She rolls her eyes.

“Bad dreams are for children.”

“That’s not true,” I say, closing the door behind me and sitting on the edge of the bathtub. “Everyone has nightmares. Everyone has something they’re afraid of.” She meets my eyes and she looks… young. Sad. Scared.

“What are you afraid of?” she asks, her voice echoing around the room. A single drip of water falls from the faucet into the sink with a little plink.

“You,” I say, and this is another truth. I’m scared of her. I’m scared of how I’m starting to feel about her. I can tell myself she’s a job all I want, but that won’t stop my body from responding when I’m anywhere near her.

It’s like she’s been sent as a punishment. To torture me for what I’ve done. It would make sense, given how the rest of my life has gone so far. What a beautiful hell I’m in.

She rolls her eyes and I grab some toilet paper and hand it to her so she can wipe her eyes.

“You’re not scared of me. You’re not scared of a whole lot, I bet.” I shake my head.

“You’re wrong. And you’re also deflecting. What has you so upset? If we’re going to date, we’re going to have to talk about things like this.” I hate this part. Because I need her to open up so she’ll trust me even though I’m going to turn around and shatter that trust.

I’ve never thought about it this much before. Guess I shut my emotions off and kept my head down and kept going. If I didn’t stop moving, I didn’t have to think about it.

“It’s stupid,” she says, blowing her nose and pouting a little.

“Nothing about you is stupid, Saige,” I say, handing her some more toilet paper.

“You don’t know me that well, clearly.” I wait for her to get herself together. She looks up at the ceiling and exhales.

“Fine. I just… I have these nightmares sometimes. They’re stupid and I never remember the details when I wake up, but in the moment, they’re terrifying.” She shivers and puts her arms around herself.

“I always remember my dreams,” I say quietly. “But that’s not always a good thing.”

“If I could remember then maybe I could work through it. Convince myself not to be scared or something. But no matter what I do, as soon as my eyes open, it’s like my brain resets.” She rubs her arms. “Anyway, I guess I just freaked out a little. I always tend to wake up crying when I have them.”

I sit for a moment, wondering what I should do. To be honest, crying freaks me out. I don’t know what to do with tears. Anger, I understand. Hatred, I understand. Vulnerability is something I don’t allow in myself so it’s hard to understand it in someone else.

Cash would be much better at this than me. He knows how to play it cool and play the part of the doting boyfriend. Maybe he should have done this.

But as soon as I think about Cash being here with Saige, I want to put my fist through the wall. So I do the only thing I can think to do. I stand up and put my arms around her.

She hesitates for a second, and then melts into me. Yes, I’m in control. I have her in my arms and I can mold her however I want. If I kissed her right now in this vulnerable state, she’d probably give in, her defenses down. I could fuck her right on this sink.

Something stops me. Saige’s arms creep around me and wrap around my back. I tuck her head under my chin and I know if someone were to take a picture of us right now, we’d look like the perfect couple.

“Thanks for being so understanding,” she says in a quiet voice. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Shh, it’s fine. No big deal. I was waking up anyway.” She starts to pull away and I don’t want to let her go, but I remove my hands from her body and step back to give her some space. Her face is still red, but it doesn’t diminish her loveliness. I doubt anything could. Saige’s beauty could never be tainted by anything.

“Well, now we’ve gotten that out of the way,” she says, laughing softly, as if she’s embarrassed.

“Do you want to go back to bed, or do you want me to take you home?”

“I can’t sleep, but I don’t want to go home.” She looks up at me and I see something… pleading in her eyes. As if she’s begging me to understand what she wants without her having to say it.

I take a wild guess. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

She nods and sniffs again.

“Hard?” I ask, just to make sure. She nods again.

“Let me get a condom.”

I leave the bathroom and grab one from the top of the nightstand where I’d put my stash from the day before. On second thought I grab two, putting one in the pocket of my robe.

Saige is in the same position when I walk back into the bathroom. Without another word, I pick her up and deposit her on the sink. She yelps.

“Cold,” she says in explanation as I undo the tie of her robe and push it down her shoulders.