“I’m not throwing a fit.”

“No, you’re not.” She eyed my calm face suspiciously. Then, as we walked into her room, she turned on Edward.

“You — out.”

“Why?” I demanded.

“Bella,” she groaned. “You know the rules. He’s not supposed to see the dress till the day of.”

I took another deep breath. “It doesn’t matter to me. And you know he’s already seen it in your head. But if that’s how you want it. . . .”

She shoved Edward back out the door. He didn’t even look at her — his eyes were on me, wary, afraid to leave me alone.

I nodded, hoping my expression was tranquil enough to reassure him.

Alice shut the door in his face.

“All right!” she muttered. “C’mon.”

She grabbed my wrist and towed me to her closet — which was bigger than my bedroom — and then dragged me to the back corner, where a long white garment bag had a rack all to itself.

She unzipped the bag in one sweeping movement, and then slipped it carefully off the hanger. She took a step back, holding her hand out to the dress like she was a game show hostess.

“Well?” she asked breathlessly.

I appraised it for a long moment, playing with her a bit. Her expression turned worried.

“Ah,” I said, and I smiled, letting her relax. “I see.”

“What do you think?” she demanded.

It was my Anne of Green Gables vision all over again.

“It’s perfect, of course. Exactly right. You’re a genius.”

She grinned. “I know.”

“Nineteen-eighteen?” I guessed.

“More or less,” she said, nodding. “Some of it is my design, the train, the veil. . . .” She touched the white satin as she spoke. “The lace is vintage. Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful. It’s just right for him.”

“But is it just right for you?” she insisted.

“Yes, I think it is, Alice. I think it’s just what I need. I know you’ll do a great job with this . . . if you can keep yourself in check.”

She beamed.

“Can I see your dress?” I asked.

She blinked, her face blank.

“Didn’t you order your bridesmaid dress at the same time? I wouldn’t want my maid of honor to wear something off the rack.” I pretended to wince in horror.

She threw her arms around my waist. “Thank you, Bella!”

“How could you not see that one coming?” I teased, kissing her spiky hair. “Some psychic you are!”

Alice danced back, and her face was bright with fresh enthusiasm. “I’ve got so much to do! Go play with Edward. I have to get to work.”

She dashed out of the room, yelling, “Esme!” as she disappeared.

I followed at my own pace. Edward was waiting for me in the hallway, leaning against the wood-paneled wall.

“That was very, very nice of you,” he told me.

“She seems happy,” I agreed.

He touched my face; his eyes — too dark, it had been so long since he’d left me — searched my expression minutely.

“Let’s get out of here,” he suddenly suggested. “Let’s go to our meadow.”

It sounded very appealing. “I guess I don’t have to hide out anymore, do I?”

“No. The danger is behind us.”

He was quiet, thoughtful, as he ran. The wind blew on my face, warmer now that the storm had really passed. The clouds covered the sky, the way they usually did.

The meadow was a peaceful, happy place today. Patches of summer daisies interrupted the grass with splashes of white and yellow. I lay back, ignoring the slight dampness of the ground, and looked for pictures in the clouds. They were too even, too smooth. No pictures, just a soft, gray blanket.

Edward lay next to me and held my hand.

“August thirteenth?” he asked casually after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“That gives me a month till my birthday. I didn’t want to cut it too close.”

He sighed. “Esme is three years older than Carlisle — technically. Did you know that?”

I shook my head.

“It hasn’t made any difference to them.”

My voice was serene, a counterpoint to his anxiety. “My age is not really that important. Edward, I’m ready. I’ve chosen my life — now I want to start living it.”

He stroked my hair. “The guest list veto?”

“I don’t care really, but I . . .” I hesitated, not wanting to explain this one. Best to get it over with. “I’m not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite . . . a few werewolves. I don’t know if . . . Jake would feel like . . . like he should come. Like that’s the right thing to do, or that I’d get my feelings hurt if he didn’t. He shouldn’t have to go through that.”

Edward was quiet for a minute. I stared at the tips of the treetops, almost black against the light gray of the sky.

Suddenly, Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto his chest.

“Tell me why you’re doing this, Bella. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?”

I repeated for him the conversation I had with Charlie last night before I’d gone to see Jacob.

“It wouldn’t be fair to keep Charlie out of this,” I concluded. “And that means Renee and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it’s much too early, I wouldn’t want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle.” I grimaced at the words, then took another deep breath. “At least my mom and dad and my friends will know the best part of my choice, the most I’m allowed to tell them. They’ll know I chose you, and they’ll know we’re together. They’ll know I’m happy, wherever I am. I think that’s the best I can do for them.”

Edward held my face, searching it for a brief time.

“Deal’s off,” he said abruptly.

“What?” I gasped. “You’re backing out? No!”

“I’m not backing out, Bella. I’ll still keep my side of the bargain. But you’re off the hook. Whatever you want, no strings attached.”

“Why?”

“Bella, I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to make everyone else happy. And I don’t care about anyone else’s feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don’t worry about breaking the news to Alice. I’ll take care of it. I promise she won’t make you feel guilty.”

“But I —”

“No. We’re doing this your way. Because my way doesn’t work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I’ve done. I’ve clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what’s best for you, though it’s only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don’t trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong. So.” He shifted under me, squaring his shoulders. “We’re doing it your way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better. I’ll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we gave you enough morphine, it wouldn’t be so bad. It’s worth a try.” He gritted his teeth.

“Edward, no —”

He put his finger to my lips. “Don’t worry, Bella, love. I haven’t forgotten the rest of your demands.”

His hands were in my hair, his lips moving softly — but very seriously — against mine, before I realized what he was saying. What he was doing.

There wasn’t much time to act. If I waited too long, I wouldn’t be able to remember why I needed to stop him. Already, I couldn’t breathe right. My hands were gripping his arms, pulling myself tighter to him, my mouth glued to his and answering every unspoken question his asked.

I tried to clear my head, to find a way to speak.

He rolled gently, pressing me into the cool grass.

Oh, never mind! my less noble side exulted. My head was full of the sweetness of his breath.

No, no, no, I argued with myself. I shook my head, and his mouth moved to my neck, giving me a chance to breathe.

“Stop, Edward. Wait.” My voice was as weak as my will.

“Why?” he whispered into the hollow of my throat.

I labored to put some resolve into my tone. “I don’t want to do this now.”

“Don’t you?” he asked, a smile in his voice. He moved his lips back to mine and made speaking impossible. Heat coursed through my veins, burning where my skin touched his.

I made myself focus. It took a great deal of effort just to force my hands to free themselves from his hair, to move them to his chest. But I did it. And then I shoved against him, trying to push him away. I could not succeed alone, but he responded as I knew he would.

He pulled back a few inches to look at me, and his eyes did nothing to help my resolve. They were black fire. They smoldered.

“Why?” he asked again, his voice low and rough. “I love you. I want you. Right now.”

The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat. He took advantage of my speechlessness.

“Wait, wait,” I tried to say around his lips.

“Not for me,” he murmured in disagreement.

“Please?” I gasped.

He groaned, and pushed himself away from me, rolling onto his back again.

We both lay there for a minute, trying to slow our breathing.

“Tell me why not, Bella,” he demanded. “This had better not be about me.”

Everything in my world was about him. What a silly thing to expect.

“Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right.”

“Who’s definition of right?”

“Mine.”

He rolled onto his elbow and stared at me, his expression disapproving.

“How are you going to do this right?”

I took a deep breath. “Responsibly. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I won’t deny Alice her fun, if I’m having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I’m following all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with. You’re not going to budge me on this.”

“I’ll bet I could,” he murmured, his eyes burning again.

“But you wouldn’t,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “Not knowing that this is what I really need.”

“You don’t fight fair,” he accused.

I grinned at him. “Never said I did.”

He smiled back, wistful. “If you change your mind . . .”

“You’ll be the first to know,” I promised.

The rain started to drip through the clouds just then, a few scattered drops that made faint thuds as they struck the grass.

I glowered at the sky.

“I’ll get you home.” He brushed the tiny beads of water from my cheeks.

“Rain’s not the problem,” I grumbled. “It just means that it’s time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous.”