"Everything go okay?" I murmured sleepily.

"Yep, he decided he wasn't thirsty anymore but he made me read him a story. And we compromised on 'Daddy-o' for now," he said with a chuckle.

"You're getting off easy. Two weeks ago he kept referring to me as 'Old Lady'."

I lay there wrapped in Carter’s arms and it was the most comfortable I had ever been.

For about five minutes.

This just proved that everything they did in the movies was a load of bullshit. His arm was under my neck on the pillow which tilted my head at an awkward angle. I could already feel the beginnings of a kink. I was starting to sweat like a whore in church with his other arm heavily draped over my waist and his legs tangled with mine. With my sweaty ass and his itchy leg hair, it felt like I had a hundred mosquito bites on my legs.

It would be wrong to kick him now, right?

I shifted my body just the tiniest bit. I didn't want him to think I didn't want to cuddle, but I was going insane trying to lie perfectly still. Maybe if I waited long enough, he'd fall asleep and I could shove him off me. The Cunninghams had it right when they slept in separate beds on "Happy Days." That's why all those people back then looked so well-rested and blissful. Marion didn't have Howard's hairy legs rubbing all over her.

"Out with it, Claire," Carter mumbled close to my ear.

Shit. Now it was going to get awkward. We just now had sex for the first time in years and I was going to tell him to get away from me so I could sleep. I am the most unromantic person in the world.

"Out with what?"

"You've been fidgeting and sighing for the past ten minutes," he replied.

I have tourettes, restless leg syndrome or a baboon heart that gives me the shakes and makes me sigh every time the furry thing beats.

Crap, wasn't I always teaching Gavin about honesty? And here I was trying to figure out a way to tell Carter I had monkey organs instead of just telling him the truth.

"Soooooo, I've never spent the night with anyone before. Well, except for Liz but we've always been drunk."

Carter made some sort of choking, cough sound behind me.

"Can you say that again? Slowly, and with more details," he mumbled.

I laughed and smacked his arm at my waist.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I. You were naked when you did this correct? Tell me you were naked," he replied.

Baboon heart, truth. Baboon heart, truth…

"My neck is killing me and I'm so hot right now my skin could start a blanket fire," I rambled.

Carter was quiet. Too quiet.

Shit, I hurt his feelings.

"Oh, thank fucking God," he said as he pulled both of his arms out from around me. "My arm fell asleep and my legs were getting a cramp."

***

"The bugs got lotion when the dog tickled. Ha ha farmer!"

I had been lying in bed for a few minutes, watching the first light of dawn creep through the curtains. I had to slap my hand over my mouth when Carter started talking in his sleep.

Jesus, talk about "like father, like son." Obviously no one ever clued Carter in on his sleeping habits. Just the thought of some other woman sleeping in the same bed as him made me feel stabby so I pushed those thoughts away for the time being.

He was on his back with one arm flung above his head on the pillow and the other resting on top of his stomach. If I was in a porno, he would be naked under the sheet with his olympic-size penis sticking up, and I would be all slutty and pull the sheet down to blow him.

Bow-chica-wow-wow.

I wasn't slutty, and this wasn't a porno. But I had seen enough of them to sort of know what to do. I glanced at the clock on the night stand and figured I had at least an hour before Gavin would be up. I looked back at Carter’s peaceful face and remembered how it felt to have his mouth between my legs last night.

Okay, I could do this. He gave me two mind-blowing orgasms since I met him. Right now, I'm in the lead. Time to even things up a bit so I didn't feel so selfish.

I slowly reached over and tugged the sheet down his body until it pooled around his shins. Leaning up on my elbow, I used the tips of my fingers to gently pull the waistband of his boxer briefs away from his skin so I could peek inside.

Well, hello there, big guy.

Wow, I felt all sorts of slutty now. I wanted to lick his dick.

Heh, heh. That rhymed.

Focus!

I scooted my body closer to his and then eased my way down lower so my face was even with his waist. My elbow slipped a little on the sheet, making my fingers jerk away from his underwear so I could brace myself and not fall right on top of his sleeping form. The elastic snapped back against his skin and I stopped all movement and held my breath, staring at his face for any sign of waking up.

"Muffins in the basement," Carter mumbled in his sleep.

I glanced back between his legs and noticed that Sir Cums-a-lot was waking up. Huh, go figure. Dreaming about muffins turned him on. I should make muffins for breakfast. I wonder if Carter had any blueberries. You really couldn't beat fresh blueberry muffins but I guess if I...

Dammit! Why was it so hard for me to focus on the penis? Especially a really nice one like Carter’s.

Heh, hard penis!

I closed my eyes and channeled Jenna Jameson but without the nasty lip injections and black eye from Tito. As slowly as I could, I got up on all fours and straddled Carter’s legs. Without giving myself anymore time to think about muffins or porn stars, I dipped my head and nuzzled my nose against his length on the outside of his boxers.

Wow, he just got harder when I did that. Neat! I wanna see it grow.

Cha-cha-cha-chia!

Shit, no Chia Pet theme songs right before licking a dick.

I rested my elbows on the bed on either side of Carter’s hips, my ass sticking up in the air so I wouldn't touch his legs and disturb him. Ever so carefully, I pulled the elastic away from his skin and peeled it down over his erection.

I glanced quickly up at his face, satisfied that he was still asleep. Letting out the breath I had been holding, it skimmed over his penis since my mouth was about an inch away at this point. I watched him get incredibly harder and longer.

Seriously? My breath on him did that? Or is he still dreaming about muffins?

I shrugged to myself. I was not going to question the penis. It was great and powerful, like the Wizard of Oz. And right now, the Wizard wanted me to lick his yellow brick dick. I jutted my chin forward and placed my tongue against the base of him, right above the edge of his underwear that I still held onto. I slid my tongue up the length of him, completely amazed at how smooth and soft the skin was there. My tongue dipped into the little valley right below the head of his penis and I added some pressure with the tip of my tongue like I saw in "Beat the Heat."

Carter let out a little moan in his sleep and I smiled to myself.

I inched my body up a little further, letting my tongue glide up and over the head of his penis. I swirled it around the tip a few times then brought my lips down around the head and sucked it into my mouth.

Carter whimpered this time and I glanced up to see he still had his eyes closed.

Okay, this wasn't too bad. I could do this. I was a dirty cock sucker! Liz would be so proud.

That reminded me I needed to call Liz later and see if she wanted to help me make three-hundred chocolate penises for one of her parties this weekend.

I dipped my head a little lower and took more of Carter into my mouth, letting my tongue continue to swirl around the head. I tasted a bit wetness that leaked out of him and it was magically delicious, like Lucky Charms. But saltier. And without the leprechaun.