Joss giggled again. I decided it was a nice sound.

And then I realized I was creepily eavesdropping on their sex-in-the-bathroom-at-their-own-fricking-engagement encounter. I knocked on the door.

‘Uh, just a minute!’ Joss yelled.

‘It’s me,’ I called semi-loudly through the door. ‘Are you decent yet?’

‘Um, not yet. Wait.’ I heard clothes rustling and then a muffled ‘oof’ before something clattered to the floor. ‘Are you trying to kill me?’

Braden laughed. ‘You were the one that wanted to fuck in the bathroom.’

‘Ssssh!’ Joss hissed. ‘Jo is outside.’

‘I think she knows what we’re up to.’

‘She does,’ I offered helpfully.

Braden laughed.

The door swung open. Braden stood over me, his hair ruffled, and his shirt tucked messily back into his trousers. Joss was hopping on one foot behind him, trying to get her shoe back on. Her cheeks were flushed and the French knot in her hair was a little more than worse for wear.

‘Really?’ I asked, glancing around to make sure we were still alone. ‘The bathroom during your engagement party?’

Joss rolled her eyes at me. ‘What, like you’ve never done it somewhere a little risque?’

My cheeks bloomed bright red as I remembered how risque it had got with Cam just this morning. God, it seemed like a lifetime ago already.

Bloody Blair.

Braden scrutinized me and nodded smugly at Joss. ‘She’s definitely done it somewhere risque.’

Joss grinned, finally getting her shoe on and coming to a standstill. ‘I do believe you’re right, Mr Carmichael. Look at those pretty cheeks blush.’

I sighed impatiently, trying to cover my embarrassment. ‘I didn’t hunt you down to talk about risque sex.’ I brushed past Braden and motioned to him to shut the door.

He raised an eyebrow but complied. ‘Everything all right?’

Trying to keep a lid on my emotions I laid it out for them. The story of Cam and Blair, and now her sudden re-entrance into his life and Cam’s troubling reaction to it.

‘Should I be worried?’ I chewed on my lip, glancing from one to the other.

Joss looked at Braden. ‘What do you think?’

Braden winked at her. ‘I think I’m looking pretty good right now.’

Joss smacked him across the arm for the both of us. ‘Not helpful, you smug idiot.’

He grunted, still smiling cockily, a smile that slipped when he turned to me and saw that I was not in the mood for his humour at the moment. He sighed, his eyes softening. ‘Jo, you’ve nothing to worry about.’

It was exactly the reassurance I’d been looking for, but I needed more. ‘Really?’

‘Look, Cameron just bumped into a girl he has a history with. It’s going to affect him. It doesn’t mean he still has feelings for her. If Joss and I were out for a stroll and we bumped into my ex, I’d probably be feeling a bit off for the rest of the day as well, but not because I’m still in love with the bitch.’

I raised my eyebrows, wondering what the history was there. I shot Joss a look. ‘Clearly.’

Joss caressed Braden’s arm in comfort. ‘She is a bitch.’

I sighed this time. ‘So, you think I’m jumping the gun?’

‘Yes,’ they answered in unison.

‘I must say, though’ – Joss shook her head as if in disappointment – ‘it shows a serious lack of intuition when it comes to women that Cam wouldn’t realize that him planning to meet with an old girlfriend would bother you.’

Braden snorted at Cam’s lack of smoothness. ‘Agreed.’

I pouted a little. ‘Agreed.’ I made a face. ‘Sorry for dumping this on you at your engagement party. That was more than a little selfish. God!’ I threw up my hands. ‘This relationship is turning me into a schizo!’

Joss threw me a sympathetic smile. ‘Welcome to my world.’

When I returned to the party it was to discover that Cam had got surprisingly drunk, shockingly fast. He never drank to the point of being drunk and as the evening wore on, the little that Braden had done to reassure me was obliterated by the state Cam ended up in. Mick had to help me put him in a taxi and then help me up to the flat with him. I bade Mick and Olivia goodnight, stripped Cam out of his clothes, put water and aspirin beside his bed, and crawled in beside him to stay with him and make sure he was okay.

I didn’t sleep.

I felt like I was standing on top of the world’s tallest building, staring out on all that the world had to offer, waiting for that gust of wind to come along and blow me down, ripping me from the best view I’d ever had.

When I turned my head on the pillow to study Cam sleeping, a part of me thought I might hate him a little. I hated him for making me love him so much and for making me feel this horribly uncertain. I’d spent my whole adult life depending on men for financial security, and now I’d traded it in for Cam. I’d thought I was doing it for all the right reasons, but it seemed to me I’d traded financial security for emotional security and the risk hadn’t paid off.

Assured that the drunken twat would be fine, I got up out of his bed and pulled on my boots.

Maybe I should try just depending on myself for a while.

25

Where are you? x

I looked down at Cam’s text, sighed a little, and then quickly texted him back.

Took Cole out to lunch with Mick and Olivia. Hungover? x

‘I know it’s none of my business, but you seem a little out of it,’ Olivia observed softly as she strolled beside me.

Uncle Mick and Cole walked ahead of us and I could see Mick chatting away quite animatedly to Cole. We’d gone for lunch at the Buffalo Grill, this amazing Tex-Mex place behind the university. Now we were walking off our burgers with a nice Sunday stroll down the Meadows. We weren’t the only ones enjoying the large park behind the uni. Friends and families had descended upon it, playing football and tennis, chasing playful dogs, and in general hanging out and enjoying the fair spring weather while it lasted. I’d decided this morning that I didn’t really feel like facing Cam or our problems. Instead I’d pounced on Cole as soon as he’d got home and then called Uncle Mick to suggest lunch. I’d found myself breathing a little easier as soon as Cole and I stepped out of our building and had been trying to enjoy myself until Cam had intruded upon my thoughts with his text.

My phone buzzed before I could respond to Olivia’s comment.

Cam’s reply:

A wee bit. You okay? x

‘Just a second, Olivia,’ I muttered apologetically, before replying that I was fine and I’d see him when I got back.

‘Is that Cam?’ She nodded down at my phone.

‘Aye.’ I’d sadistically hoped he was suffering the worst hangover ever. He couldn’t even give me that. ‘I’ve never seen him that drunk before.’

‘Is he okay?’

I studied her for a moment. We didn’t know each other all that well, so I didn’t know if I could confide in her. I’d gone to Joss and Braden for help because I trusted them to be honest, but the welcome advice they’d given me had been blown to smithereens by Cam’s dive to the bottom of a bottle last night. I did feel the urge to talk to someone else about it, but Olivia? I just didn’t know her that well.

As if she sensed the turn of my thoughts, she gave me an understanding smile. ‘I get it. You’re not sure you can talk to me. That’s cool – but you should know I’m really good at dispensing advice and keeping secrets. If I hadn’t become a librarian I most certainly would have become an advice columnist by day and a spy by night.’

I chuckled. ‘Well, that’s good to know. Truthfully, I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or if there really is a problem.’

Olivia cleared her throat. ‘You’re obviously distressed about something and … well … I learned a hard lesson in the past about ignoring something just because I thought it was all in my head.’