“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?” He bellowed. “I THOUGHT YOU HAD A BRAIN IN THAT SKULL OF YOURS!”

POP! POP!

“Eddie! Stop!”

“Dad! That's enough!”

“OW! DAD! DAMN! OW!”

“NOTHING BUT DIRT IN THERE! YOU IDIOT! YOU IMBICILE! YOU--”

Edmond stopped suddenly, a realization spreading across his heavy face. His great brown eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open as stupidly as his wife’s had a moment before. This time his skin went white. “You’ve really gone and done it now, haven’t you?” He asked quietly and then thumped himself on the head instead, “I should have known! All the time you spend together! And you swore to me you two hadn’t yet! Not in any rush, yeah? Oh! I would have expected this out of Alexander, but not you, Oliver! What fools we are! Ana, she’s got a muffin baking!”

“A muffin!” Cried my father, “House sitting she tells me and all the while she’s got a muffin!”

“What are you talking about?” Oliver sounded honestly confused, rubbing the knots out of his head, but Ana and Alexander obviously had gotten Edmond’s meaning because Ana screamed out loud in horror and Alex burst into a loud hoot which he swallowed as he covered his mouth with his hand and spun in a circle.

I sat there and cried.

Oliver looked at me, his dark brows nearly in a knot. Hand still pressed to his skull, his eyes begged me to explain why in the hell his father was talking about baking at a time like this. Then it dawned on him because his expression grew wide as the true meaning of muffins washed over him. He turned back to his father, “No!” He insisted, “She’s not pregnant!”

I felt my face turn as fiery auburn as my curly red hair.

“Are you sure, Dear?” Anna asked in a voice that sounded like it belonged to a mouse.

“Silvia’s never made any muffins that I know of,” Lucy was so innocent as she defended me from her perch in the doorway, “She can hardly re-heat steak and ale pie!”

That statement was too much for Alex to handle. He began to laugh so hard he had to remove himself from the room. His lack of control was contagious. I began to giggle, too, but Oliver had become completely irate. He rose to his feet, “I thought you people would know that I’d marry her sooner or later!” He said hotly, allowing the insult to show in pink splotches across his cheeks, “It appears you‘ve forgotten that I‘m eighteen now, Dad, not seventeen, and Sil will be eighteen in four days! So we got married and the lot of you can shove off if it doesn’t please you! It’s not like we needed your approval! We would have asked, but you’d have denied us and even then you couldn’t have stopped us! I love her! I’ve loved her forever! And she loves me! Sod you all!”

Edmond’s chin quivered, but whether it was in anger or relief, I could not say, “She’s not…not… er…you know…”

“Baking muffins?” My father finished.

“You’re sure?” Ana asked in that same small voice. “No muffins?”

Alexander roared from the kitchen.

“She is not baking anything! Nothing! No muffins!” Oliver didn’t sound quite as upset anymore, although he was still rubbing the back of his head. He turned just as his brother pushed open the kitchen door a crack and peeked out. Alexander mouthed, “Muffins!” Bursting with silent convulsions and Oliver nodded, “I know!” laughing as well, the absurdity of the conversation finally sinking in.

He looked away quickly before he laughed out loud, still determined to appear upset, but he made the mistake of looking down at me. When Alexander shut himself in the kitchen, I had completely lost my composure. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I did a little of both.

“Are you all right?” Oliver asked me so seriously that I burst into a new fit of giggles and tears. “Look what you’ve done to her, Dad!” He shouted at this father, this time looking prepared to fight back, “Screaming at us like a complete mental! Look at her! She’s beside herself!”

“It’s a good thing she’s not harbouring a muffin,” Alexander cleared his throat and sounded very stern as he re-entered the room. He leaned over the back of the sofa and gently massaged my shoulders, “Really, Dad! Look at her! She’s obviously very distressed!”

“Yes!” Oliver looked at his brother and then turned back to his parents. “How dare you shout like that! If she were pregnant you could have damaged our baby!”

“Upset the muffin cart!” Alex offered. “Way to go, Old Man!”

Oliver laughed out loud.

By this time all of the parents looked very confused. It was Ana who finally spoke, “We just want to be sure.”

“No,” Oliver turned to her “We promise. No muffins. We’ve only been playing at the oven a short while. If we did happen to manage to mix a successful muffin, we’ll let you know in a month or so. I mean, blimey! There are at least a few recipes to test! We need to experiment, you know? Buy a book or two, see how to mix it up. So far as I know right now I like apples myself. Silvia, however, seems to prefer bananas. It may end up we both like some other sort. We’ll have to see, won’t we?” He sat back on the sofa and gave my hand a squeeze. “But at any rate to make a decent muffin you got to have good nuts and berries, so we’ve no trouble there.”

Alexander was banging his fist against the wall, loud snorts escaping him. Oliver and I completely lost our composure and fell into each other’s arms, kissing through uncontrollable laughter.

“Muffins!” He said, “Bloody muffins!” And we both laughed harder. “Lord, I love you,” He mumbled. “Marry me again?”

“Nuts and berries?” I could hardly speak, “You’re such a turd!”

“I know!”

It didn’t seem to be quite as funny to our parents. Oliver had left all three completely speechless and feeling foolish. After a short silence, Ana spoke. She stood up, smoothed her skirt, and smiled a sincere smile, “Well, Dear,” She held her arms wide for me, “Come here! Congratulations and welcome officially to the family, even if it is a bit sooner than we thought!” She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, “We reckoned you two would get married one day! I have to make a nice supper then!”

“No,” Said my father, getting to his feet, “I’ll take us all out, how’s that? Come here, Son!” He yanked Oliver off the couch and crushed him to his chest, pounding on his back as if he were choking, “I always did like you!” He swore.

Oliver coughed.

Edmond was the last to speak. “All right then. What’s done is done. Congratulations, you two. I’ll phone Father Dominic and set up a blessing for your marriage. While I’m at it, I’ll call the headmistress at Bennington, but I can’t promise how she’ll react,” He looked at me carefully, “Silvia…if you were…you know…well, you know you could tell us. We love the both of you no matter what. We’d see you through.”

“Thanks, Eddie.”

“Silvia,” He smiled, “Don’t call me Eddie anymore. Call me Dad.”

More tears came to my eyes, but this time they were happy ones. I launched myself into Eddie’s arms and clung to him, “I love you, Dad!” I swore.

“I love you, too, Daughter!” He petted my hair, and then asked quietly, “Now you’re sure, right? Absolutely no muffins?”

“Get off it, Old Man!” Alexander slapped his father on the back, “I’m sure one day Ollie and Sil will have at least a dozen muffins, but not today. Speaking of muffins, I’m bloody starving!” He turned to my father, “Where you taking us, Phil?”

CHAPTER SEVEN

It was surreal having spent two wonderful, romantic weeks alone with my new husband and, upon announcing our nuptials, being scolded as if we were five years old by our parents, Oliver having his head practically pulverised, then being forgiven immediately, taken to dinner and dropped off at school by my father.

“Thanks for the lift, Phil,” Alex told dad as he got out of the passenger’s side of the car. He waited a moment for Oliver, Lucy and me to climb out of the back. “See you later, Sil,” He gave me a quick hug. When he looked at Oliver, his face was stone serious, “Let me know how it goes with Madame Pennyweather tonight.”