“He is very disappointed in us,” I said.

“He said he had had his instructions from the Emperor, my lady, and he would need letters from you discharging him from his duties.”

“He shall have them,” I promised. “It shall be known that no blame is attached to him.”

“I told him,” said Rochester, “that I would give a great deal to see you safely out of the country, and indeed I had been the first to suggest it. I impressed on him that it was not that you did not wish to go but that you felt this was not the moment, for it is very unsafe to do so and the chances of being caught, due to this watch on the roads, have been multiplied. In the winter it could be considered again. He said that to him it was just a question of to go or to stay. He merely wanted a Yes or No.”

Later Dubois came to see me. By this time I was completely convinced that I must not go.

The man was irritated. He had been sent out to perform a mission, and he would return with it unfulfillled. He needed my written word that it had failed through no fault of his and that it was entirely my decision that at the last moment I would stay.

He left us and was soon on his way to Flanders.

I do not know how the rumors got about. It is always difficult to say. A careless word here and there is taken up and exaggerated. However, rumors were circulating that I had escaped. There was talk of visits to the house at Woodham Water and of grain ships sent by the Emperor to convey me out of the country. People were intrigued by the thought of men disguising themselves as grain merchants and coming to the aid of a princess.

The Council was aware of what had happened and had all ports manned with soldiers; all ships coming in were subjected to special examination.

I was not surprised when messengers came from Court. I was asked in such a way which made it a command either to move inland or to go to Court.

My reply was my usual one. My health was not good enough to allow me to move.

I knew that I was in more acute danger than ever.

SOMERSET HAD FALLEN INTO TROUBLE AGAIN. I WAS SORRY to hear this, for he had, in his way, been good to me. I think it was due to him that I had been allowed to hear Mass unmolested all this time.

He seemed to be gaining support in the country, and Warwick losing popularity. Somerset planned to replace him but Warwick was a wily man, and he wanted more and more power. He had ennobled himself and was now the Duke of Northumberland.

Before long he declared he had uncovered a plot hatched by Somerset to murder him, Northumberland, and seize power. Somerset was commanded to come to the Council and was arrested and put into the Tower, accused of plotting to secure the crown for his heirs.

There was proof that he had planned to replace Northumberland, but that in itself was no crime. However, Northumberland was determined on his destruction and, as he was the most powerful man in the country, Somerset was found guilty and condemned to lose his head.

He met his death with dignity and was buried in St. Peter's Chapel, between Anne Boleyn and Catharine Howard.

With unscrupulous Northumberland in command and my brother turning more and more to the Reformed Religion, I was becoming very uneasy indeed.

To my dismay, a letter arrived from the Council and another from the King. I was very distressed when I read them, although I was prepared for some drastic action after it became known that I had contemplated escape.

So far, I had been allowed to worship as I pleased, but that was to be so no longer, it seemed.

My brother demanded that I conform to the new religion, which was that of the country. I had misunderstood if I thought I might do that which was forbidden to others. Was it not scandalous, he wrote, that so high a personage as myself should deny his sovereignty? I saw what he meant. In disobeying the laws laid down by the present regime, I was disobeying him. It was unnatural, he went on, that his own sister should behave so. I must be reminded that further disobedience was unacceptable to him and could incur penalties which were applied to heretics.

What did he mean? Burned at the stake? Hanged, drawn and quartered? Perhaps as I was royal he would be satisfied with my head.

He finished by adding that he would say no more, for if he did, he might be even harsher. But he would tell me this: He would not see his laws disobeyed, and those who broke them must beware.

If ever I heard a threat, I did then, and I was saddened to realize that my once gentle brother was the tool of those men who ruled us, for Northumberland was to all intents King of this realm, and Edward was just a figurehead.

I could not believe that, if I were face to face with my brother, he would speak to me as he had written, for I had no doubt that that letter had been dictated by Northumberland.

Of one thing I was certain: I would not deny the Mass. I was not like my sister Elizabeth, adopting whatever guise she thought would be to her advantage. I must stand firm now. It could be that at any moment the day would come when my mission would be clear before me. I believed that all over the country people were waiting for me… looking to me…I must not betray them.

I decided I would visit my brother and see for myself whether he would be so harsh to my face.

On a cool March day I rode into London. It was a bold thing to do but I thought the occasion warranted it. I took with me a certain number of my household so that I could come in style. My reception along the road amazed me. It was wonderful to see the people coming out of their homes to cry: “Long live the Princess Mary.”

Many of them joined my party, and to my intense joy I saw that a number of them were wearing rosaries. This proclaimed them true Catholics. Clearly they wished me to know that their beliefs were the same as mine.

It was heartwarming. I had been dreading the meeting with my brother but those good people gave me courage. That journey taught me that there were more with me than I had dared hope. I believed then that in truth a large number of people all over the country were waiting for me, praying for the time when I should come and wipe out heresy. I had been right not to escape. My place was here among the people who relied on me.

When I arrived at the gates of the city, though I had set out with a company of fifty, my ranks were swollen to 400, and it was difficult to make our way through the streets, so crowded were they. I wondered what my brother would think of my reception by the people; but he would think what Northumberland told him to.

I felt bold by this time. I had to face the Council but I was deeply shocked by the sight of my brother. He was much more feeble than when I had last seen him, and he was plagued by an irritating cough. I felt great pity for him and with it a return of the love I had felt for him when he was a little boy. He looked so frail—fragile almost—too young to have such a burden thrust upon him. It was pathetic the way he tried to take a kingly stance and cast stern looks in my direction.

He told me that in defying the Council I was disobeying the will of our father.

“Your Majesty,” I said, “a promise was given to the Emperor's ambassador, Francois van der Delft, that I should not be forced to deny the Mass.”

My brother replied that he had made no promise to van der Delft and added rather naavely that he had been sharing in affairs for only a year.

I said quickly that he had not then drawn up the ordinances for the new religion and therefore, in not obeying them, I was not disobeying him.

He looked bewildered, and I went on to ask him how he could expect me to forsake what I had been taught from my earliest days?