And just when I think he’ll finally let me come, he pulls away instead, wiping his mouth with his forearm as he climbs over me.

I push up onto my elbows, eyes wild. “Ansel—”

“Shh, I need to be inside when you come.” With quick hands, he rolls me onto my stomach, spreads my legs, and slides in so deep I gasp, bunching the pillowcase in my fists. His groan vibrates through my bones, along my skin, and I feel the continued buzz of it as he begins to move, his chest pressed to my back, breath hot on my ear.

“I’m lost in you.”

I gasp, nodding frantically. “Me, too.”

His hand slides underneath me and presses, circling against my clit. I’m right there

right there

right there

and I go off like a bomb the second he presses his lips to my ear and whispers, “What you feel, Cerise? I feel it, too. Fuck, Mia, I feel everything for you.”

IT’S NOT THAT I don’t already think about Ansel a hefty proportion of the time, but after last night I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. While I sit outside at the cafe the next evening with Simone, I’m tempted to see if I can get him to play hooky with me tomorrow, or maybe drop in and see him tonight for a change. Being an eternal tourist alone is growing dull, but keeping busy is the far preferable alternative to being home with my thoughts all day, with the increasingly loud countdown clock ticking away in the back of my mind.

“Today was so fucking long,” she groans, depositing the keys into her purse before rifling through it. Searching for her ever-present vapor cigarette, I suppose. Being around Gruesimone is a paradoxical comfort: she’s so unpleasant, but it makes me love Harlow and Lola even more, and seeing them is the one thing I’m looking forward to when I return home. Simone pauses, eyes lighting up when she finds the familiar black cylinder in one of the inner compartments.

“Fucking finally,” she says, and holds it to her mouth before frowning. “Dammit. Dead. Fuck this shit, where are my Marlboros?”

I’ve never felt like more of a bum in my life, but I don’t even care. Every time I consider getting organized to move home, my mind bends away, distracted by the pretty, shiny life right in front of me. The far preferable one where I can pretend money is endless, I don’t really need to go to school, and it’s easy to silence the gnawing voice in the back of my thoughts telling me I need to be a contributing member of society. Just a few more days, I keep telling myself. I’ll worry about it in a few more days.

Gruesimone produces a crumpled pack of cigarettes and a silver Zippo from her bag. She lights up beside me, moaning as she inhales like that cigarette must be better than chocolate cake and all the orgasms combined. For a moment, I seriously consider taking up smoking.

She takes another long drag, the tip burning orange in the dim light. “So when do you leave again? Like three weeks? I swear to God I want your life. Living in Paris just for shits and giggles for an entire summer.”

I smile and look past her as I lean back, barely able to see her face through the plume of acrid smoke. I try the words out for size, to see if they still ring with the same feeling of panic: “I start business school in the fall.” I close my eyes for a moment and breathe. Yep, they do.

Lampposts pop to life up and down the street, halos of light dropping to the sidewalks below. Over Simone’s shoulder, I see a familiar shape emerge: long and lean, slim hips belied by strong, wide shoulders. For a moment I’m reminded of last night, my hands gripping his narrow waist as he moved over me, his sweet expression when he asked if he could be gentle. I actually wrap my fingers around the table to steady myself.

Ansel looks up when he nears the corner, doubling his steps when he sees me.

“Hi,” he says, leaning in and placing a lingering kiss on each of my cheeks. Damn I love France. Oblivious to Simone’s wide eyes or gaping expression, he pulls back just long enough to grin before kissing me again, this time on the mouth.

“You’re off early,” I murmur into another kiss.

“I find it harder to work late these days,” he says with a little smile. “I wonder why?”

I shrug, grinning.

“Can I take you to dinner?” he asks, pulling me to stand and linking his fingers with mine.

“Hi,” Simone says, accompanied by the sound of her spiked heels shuffling on the sidewalk, and finally, he looks over to her.

“I’m Ansel.” He gives her the customary kiss on each cheek, and I’m more than a little pleased to see her crestfallen expression when he pulls quickly away.

“Ansel is my husband,” I add, rewarded by a smile on Ansel’s face that could power each and every streetlight up and down Rue St.-Honore. “This is Simone.”

“Husband,” she repeats, and blinks quickly as if she’s seeing me for the first time. Her eyes move from me back to Ansel, almost blatantly looking him up and down. She’s clearly impressed. With a shake of her head she hoists her large bag over her shoulder, before saying something about a party she’s going to be late for and tossing a “well done” in my direction.

“She was pleasant,” Ansel says, watching her go.

“She’s not, really,” I say with a laugh. “But something tells me she might be now.”

AFTER ONLY A few blocks of walking in companionable silence, we turn down a street that is cramped even by Paris standards. Like most restaurants in this neighborhood, the storefront is narrow and unassuming, barely wide enough to accommodate a nest of four wooden tables out front and sheltered by a large brown and orange awning above, the word Ripaille written across it. It’s all cream-colored panels and chalkboards scribbled with the day’s specials, and long, thin windows that throw flickering shadows onto the cobbled streets just outside.

Ansel holds the door open and I follow him in, quickly greeted by a tall, rail-thin man with a welcoming smile. The restaurant is small but cozy, and smelling of mint and garlic and something dark and delicious I can’t immediately identify. A handful of small tables and chairs fill the single room.

“Bonsoir. Une table pour deux?” the man says, reaching for a stack of menus.

“Oui,” I say, and catch Ansel’s proud smile, deep dimple present and accounted for. We’re led to a table near the back and Ansel waits for me to sit before taking his own. “Merci.”

Apparently my grasp of two of the most basic words in French is awesome because, assuming I’m fluent, the waiter launches into the specials of the day. Ansel catches my eye and I give a small, barely perceptible shake of my head, more than happy to listen while he explains it to me later. Ansel asks him a few questions, and I watch in silence, wondering if listening to him speak, watching him gesture with his hands, or, hell, do just about anything will ever stop being ranked up there with some of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

Jesus, I am in deep.

When the waiter leaves, Ansel leans across the table, pointing at the different items with his long, graceful hands, and I have to blink several times and remind myself to pay attention.

Menus have always been the most difficult for me to navigate. There are a few helpful things: boeuf/beef, poulet/chicken, veau/veal, canard/duck, and poisson is fish (I’m completely unashamed to say I knew that one from countless viewings of The Little Mermaid), but how things are prepared or the names for various sauces or vegetables are still things I need help with at most restaurants.

“The special is langoustine bisque, which is . . .” He pauses, furrows his brow, and looks up to the ceiling. “Uhh . . . it’s a shellfish?”