“Cash knew. He knew and he didn’t tell me,” he says, but he’s not angry. He’s surprised.

“When you were gone, I called him and asked if he’d seen you. He said that there was something he wanted to talk to you about. Maybe it was this.” He sets another page aside and meets my eyes.

“Maybe. Or maybe he was never going to tell me. Your father would go and find him and kill him and I’d never know. They say ignorance is bliss, but that’s bullshit.” Certain kinds of ignorance, I suppose.

“What are you going to say to Cash?” I ask. I’m picturing another scene with physical blows.

“I’m not going to hurt him. He’s stronger than I am, for one, and he fights dirty.” I breathe a little sigh of relief.

“That doesn’t mean he’s off the hook, though.”

“I imagine not.” I bite my lip and wonder what I should do. What my place is in all this. Wonder if I’m still a priority in the face of revenge.

“We should go,” he says, gathering up the pages and tucking them under his arm. We. He said we.

“Okay,” I say, and he gives me a tight smile before getting up from the bed and walking toward me.

“When we get back to your place, I’m going to need to fuck you. Hard. All night.” My body blazes with fire and need. I love it when he wants me like this. It’s primal and raw and it’s just as wonderful as when we go slowly.

“Okay,” I say, and my voice comes out as a squeak.

He wasn’t lying. The minute we get out of the car, he’s taking my hand and dragging me up the stairs to my place. He even takes the keys from me to open the door faster.

The papers tumble to the floor, scattering all around. He tackles me and before I know what’s happening, we’re fucking on top of the surveillance photos of his father. I try not to think about the symbolism as he drives so hard into me his hipbones leave bruises and I know I’m going to be raw in the morning. The little spark of pain adds another dimension to the sex and I hold onto him so he won’t fuck me across the floor. When he finally comes, he pulls out and does it on my stomach. He’s never done that before and I wonder why, but I don’t ask. His eyes are wild and he’s breathing hard. He lies on his back for a moment and then gets and comes back with a towel to clean me off. I slowly get up and peel the papers off my back.

“Bedroom?” he says, and I nod. The next second I’m in his arms and he’s carrying me, holding me much more gently. He lays me down in bed and then joins me. I turn on my side to face him. He’s looking at my body, his eyes tracing my neck and shoulders, my stomach and hips and toes.

“Are you going to kill him?” I ask in a hushed voice. His eyes flick up to meet mine.

“I want to. More than anything. It’s what I always wanted. I was always jealous of the person who sunk a shiv into him in the prison yard. Come to find out that never happened and now I get to be the person to do it.” He reaches out and twirls a few strands of hair between his fingers.

That didn’t answer my question.

“I keep trying to think what she would want. What she would say if I asked her,” he says.

“And?”

“I don’t know, Saige. I really don’t know.” The storm has passed for the moment, but I’m only waiting. The clouds will come around again.

“You don’t have to decide right this second,” I say, tracing one of the birds on his stomach.

“But I have to decide soon. He’s not going to stay in one place.” Probably not.

“But Cash has already found him, so it’s just a matter of tracking him now.”

“I suppose.” He flops on his back and looks up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know what to fucking do. I have so much going on in my brain. It feels like it’s going to explode,” he says. I turn over and then lay myself across his chest.

“You can talk to me, you know. About anything.” His arm goes around me and starts drawing random patterns on my back.

“I know. I really want to thank you for today. I know I scared you and I'm sorry about that. I really regret putting my hands on your father. I’ve just never felt so out of control in my life.”

“You don’t have to thank me. This is what people do who love each other. They support one another.” It’s about time he had someone to be his rock. His light in the darkness. I’m more than happy to fill that role.

“Every day I remind myself I don’t deserve you, Saige Juliette Beaumont. I don’t deserve you, Redhead.”

I kiss his chest.

“It doesn’t matter if you do. You’ve got me.” He chuckles.

I expected him to jump right up and charge after his father, leaving me in the dust. But he fucks me several more times instead and then falls asleep. I think he’s exhausted, both physically and mentally.

And I still don’t think he knows what he’s going to do. I like that he’s stopping to consider what his mother would want. I know she’d like that, if she were here. I’m not sure if I believe in heaven or not, but I’m sure if she could have stuck around, she would have. For both her children.

Lizzy. It’s good that she’s not involved in this.

I fall asleep after Sylas and only wake when he gets up.

“Where are you going?” I say, reaching out to grab him.

“Bathroom,” he says, leaning down to kiss my forehead. “Be right back.”

My eyes fly open and I panic, thinking maybe he’s tricking me and he’s going to leave. But then I hear the water run and he’s back in the room, lying down next to me and pulling me against his chest again.

I close my eyes and let myself fade back into sleep.

Fifteen

My alarm rings far too early. Far, far too early. I completely forgot that it is Monday and I have to go to class and study and be a college student.

Sylas is still asleep and I watch him for a moment. His face is free off worry and I like that. I thought he might start having nightmares like I do, but he’s out like a rock.

I head to the shower, wincing as I walk. I definitely have marks from our activities last night, including a few on my collarbone and neck from Sylas’ mouth. I can’t remember the last time I had to cover a hickey. I must have been in high school.

After my shower, I go grab some coffee and then get dressed. Sylas is still asleep and I don’t want to wake him. I wait until the last possible moment before I touch his shoulder. His eyes open slowly and he seems confused for a few seconds until he looks up and sees my face.

“Hey,” I say. “I have to get to class.” I really don’t want to leave him, but I can’t miss any classes right now. Finals are next week and we’re doing reviews and study guides.

“It’s okay,” he says, stretching. He’s still naked and all I want to do is climb back into bed with him and spend the whole day having sex.

“What are you going to do today?” I ask, trying to be casual about asking.

He rubs his eyes and sits up. Despite sleeping so hard, he still has dark circles under his eyes.

“I’m not leaving today. I need to talk to Cash and I need to just… figure out what I’m going to do.” I sit on the bed again and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Will you promise me one thing?” I ask.

“That depends on what it is,” he says. He probably knows what I’m going to ask, but I’m going to say it anyway.

“Don’t leave without me. If you’re going, I’m going with you. And if you leave and don’t tell me, I’m going to come and I’m going to find you anyway. You know I can.” I grab his face and hold it, hard.

“Don’t fucking leave me, Sylas Carter. Don’t you dare. If you do, I won’t be here for you when you get back. Do you understand?” I need him to know how important this is. That we go together.