I walked up to the sparring couple. “Hey, love birds, whatcha get?”

Tom huffed. “I got the chess and math club president, and Ryan got the newspaper editor.”

“So, what’s wrong with that?”

“Clearly, I’m more suited to work as an editor of the newspaper and I hate chess,” Tom said.

“Don’t you mean you hate chest… like boobs… you know, cause you’re gay?” I laughed.

Both Tom and Ryan looked at me with growing irritation.

“Okay, then. I’m butting out now. I’m going to hide in my hole now,” I said, slinking away.

“What has their jock straps in a bunch?” Renee stood next to me, pointing her chin in Ryan and Tom’s direction.

“A lover’s quarrel. One wanted to be homecoming queen and the other the beauty school dropout,” I said.

Renee giggled just as Sean clapped for our attention.

“I believe everyone has their character cards and had had a chance to review them. Why don’t we go around the room and say who our characters are and how they related to the murder. Bob, I believe we need to start with you.”

Bob looked at his card. “I’m Bob and I was the AV guy in high school. I went on to become a high-profile director. I’m the one being murdered.” Bob read the card without enthusiasm.

Renee and I couldn’t contain our chuckles. It was a slightly cliche that Bob was being the one murdered considering he was the oldest person in the room. Sean and Marie probably just looked at his age on the questionnaire and stereotyped him for the role.

“Great,” Sean did a fist pump into the air. “Now we can go one by one and say who we are and how we are connected to the director’s death. I’ll begin. My character was the hall monitor in high school. I give the instructions and lead you through the murder investigation.”

“So you have no connection to the death? I asked.

“Correct.”

“Then I say you did it,” I continued.

“Did what? The murder?”

“Yes. Isn’t it obvious? It’s the whole whoever smelled it, dealt it.”

“Umm, I’m confused,” Sean said with a look of puzzlement on his face.

“You say you had nothing to do it with it. In the Law and Order Special Crimes unit that automatically makes you a prime suspect.”

Sean looked nervous when I said this, which fascinated me since this was just a game. “No, I can assure you that I had nothing to do with this. Why don’t we move on to Marie’s character.”

Marie looked at her husband with big eyes and shifted from side to side. Perhaps the woman had too much caffeine before we got here.

“I’m Marie and I’m in the marching band. After high school, I started my own music studio and wrote and produced music in my spare time. My motive for the murder was providing a score of music to the director, but never got paid the royalties for the music she created.”

“Because the music probably sucked,” I said to Renee under my breath.

It was Debbie’s turn. “Hi again, y’all. I’m Debbie and I was the class drama queen. I was real popular in high school and was the lead in all the school plays. After high school, I moved to Los Angeles where I met ‘the director’ in hopes he would advance my career, but he didn’t, and I was forced to take a job as a porn star. I always blamed the director for my downfall.”

“Maybe if she spread her legs for the director, she wouldn’t be in that position.” Renee swatted my arm and gave me a low shush.

“Renee, why don’t you two go next,” Sean said.

Renee stood proudly, reading off her card. “I’m Renee and I was the captain of the pom-pom squad. I was so good that after high school, I went off to community college and became a famous choreographer. My relation to the murder is blackmail. That’s all I can say right now.”

Next was Destiny and Sam. Destiny smacked her gum as she spoke. “I’m Destiny and I was the head cheerleader and homecoming queen. But in high school I was best friends with the jock and ended up marrying him.

Destiny winked at Miles because she overheard him say he was the jock. I couldn’t help the eye roll. It was then Sam’s turn to take the floor.

“Wait,” Raj interrupted. “Isn’t being a cheerleader and a pom-pom girl the same thing?”

“Umm, not even close.” Renee put her hands on her hips and looked at Raj. “Cheerleading and pom-poms are two totally different things. Poms are more about dancing than cheering and Poms is less important.”

That comment prompted Destiny to throw dagger eyes at Renee.

“Yo, I’m Sam. My card says in high school I was the class flirt. I guess that’s right since I was a named that in my real high school.”

I leaned toward Renee and murmured, “He went to high school? I thought for sure he was born in a barn.”

“Maybe there was a school inside the barn. Something like Animal Farm?”

“What the fuck is Animal Farm?”

She looked at me as if I’d just asked the most absurd question.

“Animal Farm, by George Orwell. It’s a novel where the dictator pig takes over the farm.”

“Well, you got the pig part right.”

Sam continued. “Now I’m all grown up and shit. I own and run an online dating service. It says here… wait, what the fuck?”

“What’s wrong, babe?” Destiny asked.

“It says I was having a secret affair with the director, but now I have a thing with the newspaper guy.” He continued to look at the card and scratch is chin. “Who’s the newspaper guy?”

Ryan raised his hand proudly and smiled. “Looks like you were into all sorts of pants during high school.” He gave a wink at Sam.

I barked out a laugh, but quickly covered it up with a cough.

“Hey, I’m not into dudes,” Sam said, grabbing his junk as if to stake some masculine ground.

“It’s just a game, babe,” Destiny said, trying to comfort a displeased Sam.

“That’s perfect timing to introduce the next person. Ryan, will you tell us about your character?” Sean said.

“Sure. I’m Ryan and I was the head of the high school newspaper. Now I’m a top reporter for the Wall Street Journal, and I’m a big supporter of the class president because now he’s running for Congress.” He gave Raj a high five.

“You wouldn’t know what to do with the Wall Street Journal if it bit you in the ass,” Tom complained.

“We’ll you bit my ass this morning when you were trying to gain access to it, and it seems I know how to handle you,” Ryan retorted. “Why don’t you go next, sassy pants.

“Fine,” Tom moaned. “I was head of the math team in high school, and now I’m some big accountant. Even though I should have been the head of the newspaper, but you don’t always get want you want.”

“Especially when you whine like a bitch,” Ryan said under his breath.

Raj cut in before another Ryan and Tom argument occurred. “I’m Raj and I was the class president.”

“Stereotype,” I said, trying to hide it in a cough. Miles nudged my arm and gave me the naughty look, but Raj smiled at me, understanding I was just joking around.

“After high school, I studied political science and now I’m running for Congress. Apparently, I asked the director for financial backing and he flaked on me.”

“He’s a dickweed,” I said.

“What’s a dickweed?” Renee asked.

“A dickweed in someone who is a total dick and continues to be a dick like a growing weed,” I said.

“Well, that certainly clears things up.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

Miles and I told the rest of the group what our cards said. Ryan couldn’t contain his laughter when he found out my role was the school punk. I don’t think he’ll still be laughing when this class punk gives him a big atomic bomb size wedgie.

Sean interrupted our banter. “Now we know who everyone is, it’s time to play the game!”

Well, since I forced to be a part of these shenanigans, I was going to use my punk status to the fullest.

Our character debriefing was only the first phase of the game. Sean gave Raj an envelope he was supposed to open and read to the group. I wasn’t quite sure why Raj was given the distinct honors, but Sean said he had to excuse himself to prepare for the next phase of the game. I suspected he was going to get some ketchup to throw on Bob to make it look like a real murder. I had to remind myself it was supposed to be a dead body and not a hamburger. Although, if you threw some lettuce and a pickle on there, Bob might turn out to be a tasty treat.