“What?” Jake snapped. “What the hell are you talking about? I can pleasure anyone, anywhere! I’m damned good at giving orgasms!”

A few snickers ensued around him as Grandma patted his arm patronizingly. “Of course you are, dear.” She mouthed “sorry” to the people behind them and linked her arm in his.

What the hell? Char didn’t remember sleeping with him? At all? Seriously? Was she insane? He remembered every single detail. From her soft hair, that smelled faintly of lavender, to the little sounds she’d made in the back of her throat when he kissed her. And her taste… Damn, a man could never forget the way a woman tasted, and everything about Char was unique, purely hers. It had taken him months to forget the way she tasted, how she clenched the sheets between her fingers and then used those same wicked hands to touch Jake—

“I know exactly how you feel,” Grandma whispered into his ear. “I always get a little randy when I fly, too. You’ll get over it. Now can we please leave before people see that the excitement of airports turns you on? It’s bad enough that you yelled ‘orgasm’. The Lord above knows I’ve exercised enough patience with you today.”

“What—?”

“Jake, a grandma knows. It’s fine. Well, when I was your age…” She chuckled. “One time me and your grandfather went into the airport bathroom—they were smaller then, you know—well, I had red heels on and they made me the perfect height for—”

“Grandma, please, I beg you: don’t tell me what for. It’s bad enough that my imagination is running rampant. I just… I need this day to be over. I need to get some sleep before work, okay? Let’s just get you to wherever you’re staying so I can get home.”

Grandma shrugged and breezed by him to the outdoors. She raised her hand for a taxi and gave him instructions while Jake helped haul the luggage into the back.

Once the taxi was on the I-5 he finally relaxed. Grandma sat silently next to him, her eyes on the Seattle landscape. He knew this was her favorite city in the world. For good reason, too. The air was crisp and even the bustling metropolis was surrounded by forest.

Suddenly it occurred to him: When was the last time he’d even gone for a hike or appreciated the city he lived in? That would be never. Shit, he needed a vacation.

Within ten minutes Grandma was snoring. At least she’d stopped yelling obscenities. With his luck, she’d start talking about her red heels or orgasms again. Aw, hell. He’d never look at red heels the same way again.

He clicked through his phone messages. A few from Aileen, where she’d misspelled words anyone her age should know how to spell. If a woman struggled just sending a text, perhaps she wasn’t dating material for him. Not that he’d ever tell Grandma she was right, lest she hold it over his head for the rest of his life.

The last text was from Travis.

Moved up wedding date. No waiting. Kacey and mom unstoppable. Be ready in two weeks, best man!

“Shit!” Jake slammed the phone against the seat and cursed again.

Grandma stirred but didn’t wake.

How the hell was he supposed to face Kacey and Travis after everything? He’d been best friends with Kacey his whole life and then… things changed; he changed, she changed. People changed, right? It was normal to move on! It was normal to outgrow friends. What wasn’t normal was sleeping with then abandoning them. Clearly Jake had an issue with commitment. He hated the way women whined in the morning. They were like clingy death traps. All legs wrapped around his, lips on his back—no. He hated it. He only wanted that one moment. He refused to give more.

Because in the end, when you gave more, people left you, just like Kacey’s parents had left her. They’d died the night he’d taken her virginity. He’d never gotten the chance to apologize for disrespecting their daughter. But what was worse—he’d never been able to say good-bye to the two people he owed everything in the world to. The only two people in the universe that knew about what he had done back in high school—they’d saved his life. And now… now they were gone.

The idea of going to the wedding put a bad taste in his mouth. Kacey had no father to walk her down the aisle, and she deserved that more than anyone. The worst part was Jake had been just fine living his life until he’d mistakenly pleaded with Kace to be his fake fiance for a weekend. He had never expected himself to be so affected by her. But the final blow to his pride was Kacey falling for his older brother—the same older brother who used to chuck rocks at her and had a stutter. How was that fair?

He wanted to have his shit together for the wedding. He had to. After all, appearances and money… Really, those were the only two things he had. He knew he didn’t deserve anyone’s love and he never really asked for it. He just hoped that his false security lasted long enough to get him through the next two weeks and to his best man duties.

Shit. Now he needed to start over and find a girl willing to be his date for the wedding. By the looks of Aileen’s colorful text messages, she would be out. The girl before Aileen had reminded him of Kacey so she was out as well.

He felt a headache coming on, but ignored it as the taxi took the next exit. His exit. The exit toward Lake Washington. He shrugged; maybe Grandma was getting dropped off after him.

Once the taxi pulled up to Jake’s house on the lake, he hopped out and grabbed his bags and turned toward the door. It wouldn’t be nice to wake up Grandma. After all, she was in a dead sleep.

Did that make him a bad person? It wasn’t as if the taxi driver was going to kill her or anything. After all, who would kill a sweet old lady with drool running down her—

“Ta, ta! Thank you!” Grandma yelled.

Praying for the first time in years, Jake turned to see his grandmother, bags in tow, waving to the disappearing taxi.

Just as Jake was getting ready to open his mouth she announced. “Get my bags! I’m fatigued. Where’s my phone? Have you seen my phone, Jake?” She dug around in her giant purse and finally pulled out the zebra covered iPhone.

No. Hell no. She was staying with him? For how long? Please God not up until the wedding not—

“Oh my heavens! The wedding is in two weeks. That gives us plenty of time!”

“Time?” God was punishing him; either that or Grandma was possessed. Truly it was a tossup.

“Yes.” Grandma’s smile softened as she reached for Jake’s hand and kissed the top of it. “Time to ruin you.”

“Ruin?” Jake chuckled as he pulled his hand back. “I’d rather stay… um, un-ruined. Thanks, though.”

“Have it your way.” Grandma shrugged. “Oh, and Jake?”

“What?” He grunted as he lifted her heavy suitcase toward the stairs.

“You’re fired.”

The suitcase dropped out of his hands. Black spots appeared in his line of vision as he repeated, “Fired?” 

“I need a drink,” Char announced once she and Beth were safely at their shared apartment on Queen Anne Hill. “Scratch that. I need ten drinks and a sedative.”

“So what?” Beth opened the wine bottle and pulled out two glasses. “You were arrested and zip-tied to some hot man candy. Really, there are worse things in the world.”

“You mean like going into anaphylactic shock and having your grandmother stab a needle next to your man parts?” Char chuckled and took a sip of merlot. “That part, I enjoyed.”

“Yeah, well, hopefully Grandma has good aim and Jake can still sire children after that little escapade. How the heck did I sleep through it?”

Char shrugged. “No idea. At any rate, I’m glad it’s over.”

“Right.” Beth snorted. “And I don’t stalk Damon Salvatore on Twitter.”

“Not his real name, Beth.”

“Don’t kill the dream, Char.”

Char sighed and leaned against the table. “I was totally fine; seeing him again, I mean. No flashbacks of that crazy night we shared, no lustful thoughts or feelings, or—”