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The perfect gift book for new parents everywhere! Assess your baby’s genius in a series of fun and easy tests and activities, in the next title in the best-selling TEST YOUR series.Wait, I know what you’re thinking. You may feel you don’t have a spare minute to take a shower, let alone conduct elaborate psychometric tests on your mewling new-born bundle of love (and constant nappy changes). But with Test Your Baby, all the hard work has been done for you. You need only stay awake long enough to monitor your mini me as they navigate life on the outside.Is little Olivia more likely to munch her crayons or create a modernist masterpiece? Do precious Oliver’s gurgles sound more bebop than Beethoven? Does the old ‘spoon as airplane’ line do the trick, or does baby Georgie demand the exact nutritional content before considering his next spoon of mush? With Test Your Baby, discover more about what lay beneath those coos and squeals with a series of fun tests and activities to confirm whether your baby really is an undiscovered genius.

Whatever happened to middle England? Two of our funniest writers set out on a journey through conservative country – with hilarious results.The Women's Institute. Polo matches. The Duke of Edinburgh. Nimbys, shooting and game fairs. Pall Mall clubs, the Countryside Alliance and Boris Johnson. Hampshire Police’s brass band, the rubber chicken circuit – and of course the Conservative party itself.Middle England, with all the social rituals, institutions and traditions that hold it together, has lasted for a long time. And Chris Horrie and David Matthews, two left-leaning journalists – Chris is from Manchester and David's parents are from Guyana – are fascinated by it.So off they go, armed with two ballpoints and a sharp sense of humour, to see what they can see. Sometimes, it’s as simple as hanging out at the proms, munching scones with the vicar at a village cricket match, or chatting with Michael Howard. And other times, a bit more guile is needed – so Chris and David baffle Conservative party members by helping out with their campaigns.With backgrounds as investigative reporters, the authors infiltrate Middle England and capture its denizens at their least guarded. What they find is at times cheering, and sometimes a bit worrying – but it is always very entertaining.True Blue is Bill Bryson meets Spitting Image – and a must-read for fans of John O’Farrell, Private Eye and Jon Ronson.

Optimised for larger screens.If you're younger than 15 or older than 50, there is an 87% chance that something in this book will offend you.The #1 web comic, Cyanide & Happiness, is back with a brand new collection of comics sure to leave you gasping in horror or guffawing with laughter.Featuring 150 comics, including 30 brand new strips, each jam-packed with more inappropriate jokes and deviant behaviour than ever before! Laugh at Obese Maurice, Ass Rape Man, the Purple-Shirted Eye Stabber, and the not-so-loveable superhero, Superjerk.You'll never see stick figures this twisted! Also features a brand new “activity” section where you can draw your own Cyanide character, build–a–boner, or connect the dots to reveal a hidden image!

The perfect gift book for dog lovers everywhere! Assess your dog’s genius in a series of fun and easy tests and activities, in this follow-up to the best-selling TEST YOUR DOG.Dogs are known for their loyalty, unconditional love, and general best-friendship.You know your dog can sit, fetch, and roll over. But can he sit up like a human? Respond to “fetch” in multiple languages?Distinguish Mozart from Mötley Crüe? What about comprehend the finer points of poker?The all-new Test Your Dog: Genius Edition is full of fun tests and activities you can do with your precious pooch to confirm whether your little Fido really is an Einstein with a waggy tail.

A hilarious guide to dissing the dicks in your life.After years of meeting and putting up with crap people, a serious illness left Eileen Condon with plenty of time to ask herself why she ever put up with them. Her recovery was aided by countless hours spent in pubs with friend Amanda Edwards where they purged their bile about all the bullies, bitches and bastards that they have encountered.Bullies Bitches and Bastards is the result of their cathartic trawl through a rogues' gallery of crap boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, family members, neighbours and work colleagues – people whose characteristics read like a thesaurus of cunning: sly, Machiavellian, gerrymandering, duplicitous, crafty, vulpine bastards.There's The Enormous Baby Boyfriend. He thinks you're his mummy. You have to cater to his every whim and pay him round-the-clock attention. Or he'll cry, throw a tantrum and vomit – all over you! Ta-da!Or, how about Beelzeboss? Marvel at the amount of energy they put into bitching and backstabbing. If they worked as hard at their actual job, they'd be Bill Gates. Particularly deft at wheedling out your Achilles heel and using it against you at every opportunity.Have you met Miss-Fortune Teller? She delights in your disasters. Don't be fooled by the sympathetic ear on the end of the phone, she's biting her knuckles with glee, barely able to contain her excitement at the good news that you're having such a bad time.Divided into a number of sections including partners, friends, bosses and colleagues this book will appeal to early mid-life, disaffected, disillusioned, burnt-out 30/40-somethings who have met these grotesques at some point in their lives. They, like the authors, want to see them pinned, slit open and dissected like a frog in a school lab.

The third in the series of silent adventures of the trouserless man, whose cartoon antics abroad showcase the most fun you can have with your trousers off.Enter the extraordinarily ordinary world of a half-dressed man.In the world of ROGER, silence speaks volumes, whether in the workplace, at leisure, or on his travels.The third book in the trilogy takes ROGER outside the womb-like comfort zone of the office and his domestic environment and follows him as he ventures forth on holiday. While dreams of being half-dressed would terrify most ordinary souls, ROGER goes out-and-about with remarkable calm dreamily abandoning his trousers and causing mayhem – and his astonishing wanderlust takes him all over the world, by train, plane and cruise ship.In the office, ROGER seemed content forever to hold his peace – now he is at large, his reputation will continue to precede him…

From the bestselling author of ‘Eats Shoots & Leaves’, a wonderfully funny collection of twelve monologues.In the tradition of Alan Bennett's ‘Talking Heads’ come Lynne Truss's twelve bittersweet tales about love, romance, friendship and family. Her six men and six women each have very different stories to tell, ranging from the wife who feels better when her husband disappears to the pedant who undergoes a TV makeover and the swimmer who can't escape the shadow of her sister…but all are funny, touching and as beautifully observed as would be expected from the bestselling author. Whether describing fathers and daughters, married men, cat-lovers or ‘other women’, she is always brilliantly perceptive.

For fans of the ‘Windsors’ and ‘Now we are Sixty’: a beautifully illustrated collection of amusing and affectionate stories from inside the royal family.Arriving at the theatre, the Queen and the Queen Mother appeared to be having words. ‘Who do you think you are?’ demanded the Queen Mother. ‘The Queen, Mummy, the Queen.’About twenty years ago the Guardian first published two camp anecdotes about the Queen Mother. Readers reeled to see stories actually printed in a national newspaper that until then had had only an underground existence in certain circles. After that, tales about the royal family became respectable; they were also, quite rightly, believed. Taken as a whole they reflect the contradictory roles we like royalty to fulfil: unworldly and impossibly regal or engagingly domesticated and just like us, or camp, worldly and outrageous.In this affectionate tribute Thomas Blaikie has gathered together a compendium of stories, many of them never published before, which provide access to a unique world. How exactly does a Queen react when she finds her footmen draped in her jewels? What does she do to amuse herself as she whiles away the hours sitting for her portrait? And how did the Duchess of Windsor and the Queen Mother really get on? This beautifully illustrated book answers these questions and poses many more in its celebration of the diverse personalities of the House of Windsor.

This is a book for the sports lover.Some of us spend too much time in the shed listening to sport on the radio and hogging the television. The thing about sports lovers is that we hate so much about it, we shout at the radio and the television; we love sport so much that if any of it makes us cross, it makes us FURIOUS. So this is a book for us, the sports loving angry brigade.So, introducing: Frank Lampard; badge kissing (Frank Lampard); Neville Neville, for producing the Neville brothers (sparing his lovely daughter, who is a terrific hockey player); Ally McCoist; John Fashanu; Gary Player; Gavin Henson; Sebastian Coe; Lewis Hamilton (obviously); Cristiano Ronaldo; Tim Henman; 'Beefy' and 'Lamby' adverts; Tim Henman's mother; dressage; Tim Henman's father; Pro-celebrity golf (which Tim Henman plays); Will Carling; Fatima Whitbread; the truly awful Sir Clive Woodward; Torville and Dean; Joey Barton; national anthems; Peter Crouch; grunting female tennis players; Nigel Mansell; Paul Ince (Incy); ); Mark Lawrensen; the fella in the Union Jack outfit at sporting events, particularly cricket, who I think is dead now; Tony Blair for his heading thing with Kevin Keegan; SIR Nick Faldo (for goodness sake); Matthew Hayden (a self-professed devout Christian off the field, a sneering bully on it); Dwain Chambers; opening ceremonies; David O'Leary; Argentinian polo players; Ashley Cole; Sports Personality of the Year Award (used to be so fantastic, terrible now); Ron Atkinson – you know why; Prince William and Prince Harry; Cliff Richard (the reason they got the roof); the haka; Will Carling; Peter Alliss – very very bad, possibly evil, a very big contender for the number one spot; Max Moseley; certainly Bernie Ecclestone; Billy Bowden and his stupid signals ('Jesus is the third umpire in my life'); American golf fans who shout out 'in the hole'; the green jacket; the Barmy Army.

Unlike the Government's Citizenship Test, this is the real measure of Britishness.Written in a snappy A-Z format with quiz questions throughout to test your Britishness, Iain Aitch explores all things British in a funny, evocative way. Whether it's fish and chips, James Bond, red telephone boxes or white dog poo, everything you've ever regarded as being uniquely British is within these pages and guaranteed to bring a smile of recognition to even the stiffest of upper lips.Test your knowledge of Britain and what it means to be British by answering a multiple choice question for each entry and then read on to discover the ‘correct’ answer.With more style than Jarvis Cocker's moves and more pomp than Elgar's masterpiece, Iain Aitch celebrates all that is truly glorious about good old Blighty. A book for the entire British population – Northerner, Southerner, and even tourist and immigrant alike – this is the perfect read for someone looking for the truly British experience.Aitch gives us the real Britain, not one filtered through the eyes of civil servants or politicians. This is the dictionary of the Britain that you affectionately know and love. From asbos to garden gnomes, Tennent's Super to tube maps, to socks and sandals and spam and Smash potato, this is the most definitive list yet created that encapsulates the sights, sounds and even smells that make Britain what it is today.