Well that’s no big deal.

“Okay, well, that’s fine, I don’t expect you to dedicate songs to me every show I attend and if you want to, just say this song is for G, I’ll know what you mean, it doesn’t matter, honestly”.

His eyes meet mine and I know that there’s more,

“What else?” Another big sigh.

“They don’t want you in the hospitality room before the show, when the press and the fans are all in there.”

“Why, the groupies are all in there, why can’t I be?” I remember the suit talking to Lennon and looking in my direction last night now, I bet that’s what they were talking about, and I bet that’s what Sean and Len where arguing about after the show.

“I know, I know G and I told them, if you’ve flown all this way to see me, then there’s no way that you’re not coming backstage but he still said no way, backstage was now for wives and fiances and family members only.”

He turns his head toward me, his brown eyes, with their tiny flecks of amber and gold look deep into mine, through mine, into me, my heart, and my soul. “What is it Sean, what? Tell me?”

He slides off the bed and kneels in front of me; oh God, what’s he done, is he about to beg me for forgiveness for something? “I went to the shops too while you were out G.”

“Did you?” My words come out as a whisper, I can barely breathe, I’m so scared of what he’s about to tell me, from beside him on the bed, he lifts a box and opens it.

Fucking hell.

I want my Mum.

“I was going to wait and ask your Dad properly and do this once we are back in England but I’m not having you barred from the hospitality rooms before the show, we always knew we would do this, this is just a bit sooner.”

I want my Dad.

I want to cry.

“Georgia Rae Layton, I’ve loved you since the very first day I set eyes on you and your pink polka dot knickers, you are my world. I know we’re young, but I love you Gia, I want to make beautiful babies with you. I know people are going to be against this but they don’t know what we know, they don’t feel what we feel, I want to grow old with you G, I want to marry you. Please, would you do the honour of becoming my Wife?’

It’s a ring.

It’s a big fat fuck off diamond ring.

He’s bought it.

For me.

He wants to marry me!

I wipe a tear from my cheek that I didn’t realise had escaped; I look from the ring up to his eyes and nod.

My Parents are going to kill me.

Then my brothers will probably kill me too.

And then they will kill Sean.

Shit, my Dad and my brothers.

Will kill Sean…

“Georgia?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m shitting myself here G.”

“Yes, yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you, yes!”

I wipe more tears from my face as he slides the solitaire diamond ring along my shaking finger, it fits perfectly. I look down at my hand.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it, is it white gold?”

“No, it’s platinum, two carats of diamond.”

“Two carats? Sean, it must of cost a fortune.”

“It fucking did!” He laughs, I don’t know why he laughs but I laugh with him.

He brushes my tears off my cheeks with the back of his hand and pulls me down onto his lap so that I’m straddling him and kisses me gently on the mouth. “But I love ya G so it was worth it, especially now you’ve become so good at BJ’s, we have about fifty minutes before we leave for the venue, any chance of a quick shag?’

“I reckon two carats of diamond has got to be worth a quick something.”

We have the quickest quickie ever, shower, change and make it downstairs to the bar only ten minutes late; the rest of the boys are waiting and moaning about us being late. We have decided to tell no one except the rep from the record label about our engagement. Sean wants to get back to England and speak to my Dad before he tells my brothers or anyone else and I’m fine with that. I’m more than fine, I’m crapping myself at what my brothers are going to say so the longer we can keep our news secret, the better as far as I’m concerned.

CHAPTER 8

The record label rep isn’t impressed with Sean’s news and has asked if it can be kept quiet until after the album launch, which suits us fine, he in turn agrees to keep it quiet from the rest of the band and allows me back into the hospitality room, before and after any shows.

The rest of our time in Spain goes far too quickly and all too soon we are back at the airport; the band are leaving for Germany that afternoon and Sean has promised to call me tonight to let me know they’ve arrived safely, we kiss, I cry and eventually Jimmie and Lennon drag us apart so that we can board our flight. I desperately want to meet up with him in France next weekend but we have our English O level exam on Monday morning so I know there isn’t a lot of chance my Mum and Dad are going to say ‘yes’, but I can try. If not, it will only be one more week and the boys will be home for two whole weeks before they start the UK tour and the album is launched, and in between all of that, we will announce our engagement. Engaged! I’m sixteen, about to leave school and I’m engaged, to be married, to Sean McCarthy, the only boy I have and will ever love.

By the time I get home Monday, I’m exhausted, I chat with my parents at the dinner table, I don’t really want to eat but my Mum has gone to a lot of trouble and cooked salmon, my favourite, so I make the effort. Eventually I make my excuses and go up for a shower, I wash myself as quickly as possible in case Sean rings and I miss it, I throw on my jarmies and lay on top of my bed with my music playing down low so I can hear the phone. We’re lucky in our house, we have four phones but none of them are in my bedroom, the nearest is on the landing, a whole five steps away. I keep my bedroom door open and try to do the same with my eyes but I must lose the battle as the next thing I remember is waking up to bright sunlight, on top of my bed with a blanket over me, my bedroom door is closed. I turn and look at my clock radio, it’s six thirty eight in the morning. I jump up and run down stairs, my parents are both sitting out on the patio drinking coffee.

“Morning Princess,” my Dad says looking up from his paper, he folds it and holds his arms open for me to go and sit on his lap. It’s a routine we’ve followed for my entire life but he’s rarely here in the mornings now as I get up so much later. I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Morning Daddy, Mum, did Sean ring last night?”

“No babe, we came to bed about eleven and you were soundo, so I turned off your music and covered you with a blanket.” She tilts her head and looks at me. “Marley or Lennon didn’t call either; perhaps the boys were just tired after all the travelling and had an early night.”

“Yeah, perhaps.” But I knew they hadn’t, even then, I knew something wasn’t right but until the call came, I had no idea how very far from right things actually were and how wrong things would now always be.

I heard nothing at all until Thursday night; I’d given up waiting for Sean’s call for another night and was just at the top of the stairs on my way to bed when the phone rang, I stared at it for a few seconds before picking it up.

“Hello.”

“Georgia?”

“Sean, what’s wrong?”

“I love you G.”

He was crying.

“Sean, what’s wrong?”

“I’m so sorry G, I love you, just know that, just hold on to that fact, I love you, I will always love you.”

“Sean, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong…?”

I was crying myself now and almost screaming in complete panic at him down the phone.

“I love you G, always, wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, it will always only ever be you.”

“Sean, Sean?”

The line went dead.

I held onto the phone as I slid down the wall, my legs couldn’t hold me up, my heart was pounding so hard I could feel it throughout my entire body; I don’t know how long I’d been sitting there when my Mum slid down the wall next to me, I became aware of the phone bleeping, still in my hand. My Mum took it from me and placed it back on the hook.