“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, I didn’t realise it was so important to you.”

“Don’t lie G, this is me you’re talking to, you knew exactly how important that little piece of information would be to me, that’s why you didn’t say anything, that’s why you kept quiet.” I can’t meet his gaze, he’s right, I knew Sean wouldn’t want to live here knowing it was Cam’s, I never for a minute thought that he would.

“But what I don’t get Georgia, what I don’t understand is, if you knew it was his house, if you knew, then why the fuck would you still want to live here? Why would you want to move into your ex-lovers home?” He takes a swig from the bottle and sneers at me. “Hmm, tell me G, did you want to feel close to him, is he even your ex or have you still been seeing him all these years, sneaking around behind my back?”

“Fuck you, now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“Am I, then explain to me, fucking explain to me G, why the fuck would you want to live here?” he shouts and throws the bottle of drink at the wall, it smashes and glass flies everywhere, I shake my head at him and turn and leave. “That’s it, fuck off G, walk away and go and rock in a corner somewhere, shut it all out and make pretend it’s not happening. Ain’t that what you do best? Shall I ring Mummy and Daddy to come and pick their little princess up coz the big bad rock star is swearing and smashing the place up?”

I keep walking, I feel exhausted, worn down by the weight of the guilt that I carry for doing what I did last year. Seeing Cam today, the panic I felt when he revealed he was the previous owner of our home, just went to prove to me, how much I love Sean, why I did what I did last year, I will never understand and the thought that Sean is hurting because of me cuts me in half. I felt nothing today when I saw Cam with another woman, whatever confusion about the feelings I thought I had for him have gone. Losing my baby was a massive wake up call, I love Sean beyond measure, my life is and always will be with Sean and I am terrified in that moment that I may have completely fucked everything up.

CHAPTER 26

It’s dark when I wake up, my mobile is ringing and I badly need a wee. I sit up on the bed and see that Sean is sitting in the armchair that we have in our room, the lamp is on at the side of the bed and I can see that he’s just sitting there, staring at me, his index finger and thumb are cupping his jaw, his elbow is resting on the arm of the chair, his left ankle resting on his right knee. I stand on unsteady legs and go into our bathroom, the bathroom we sat in just yesterday so happily, so united in our love, so hopeful for the new life we have created. I feel sick to my stomach, it’s my fuck up and all I can hope is that Sean will forgive me. I go to the toilet, wash my hands and head back into the bedroom.

“Come here,” he orders. I go to where he’s sitting and stand in front of him.

“Is there anything going on between you and Cameron King?” My pulse throbs so hard I can feel it in my neck.

“I love you, I’m with you, and I will always be with you.”

“That’s not what I asked Gia.”

“No Sean, there is nothing going on between me and Cameron King, I love you. I didn’t say anything about the house because we both loved it, it felt right, if I had something going on with Cam, do you really think I would move us into his old home? Do you really think that I’m that kind of a person?”

Without saying anything, he pulls me toward him. I sit on my knees in the chair, straddling his lap; he looks up into my face. “I’m sorry about what I said about Haley, I shouldn’t have said that.”

I instantly fill with tears, I shake my head. “I’m sorry for all of it, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have kept it from you, I should have told you the truth, given you the choice, we should have discussed it.”

“Don’t cry I hate it when you cry.” He pulls my face down to his and kisses me softly on the mouth, my hands go to his hair and I kiss him back harder as I grind my hips into his crutch, he holds onto my arse as I wrap my legs around him and he walks us over to the bed, where he lays me down and undresses me. When I’m completely naked, he takes all of his own clothes off, then pushes each of my feet up onto the edge of the bed, opening me wide to him, he kneels down between my legs and kisses me, from the inside of my knee all the way up to the inside of my thigh. He runs his nose down from my clit to my opening, then using the fingers on both his hands, he spreads my lips wide open and laps all the way back up to my clit.

“You taste delicious G, there’s nothing better than the smell and taste of you when you’re turned on.” He leans over and grabs a pillow and puts it behind me.

“Put your elbows on it, I want you to watch me; I want to see your face when you come.” I do as he says and watch as he looks down between my spread legs. “You have the most beautiful cunt Georgia and its mine, all fucking mine.”

He pushes his thumb down onto my clit and circles it, he slides his middle and index fingers inside me and curls them slightly, then he slides is ring and little finger into my arse, I arch my back and force myself down onto him harder, not losing eye contact with him at any time. “Fuck me, fuck my fingers, I want to feel you come all over my hand,” he says between gritted teeth. He tilts his head down and flicks his tongue over my clit a few times, then stands, his fingers still inside me, he strokes himself, his eyes still on mine and I find the sight so erotic, I come, bucking and clenching all over his hand as he spurts all over my belly.

We have a nice long bath together later and both repeat how sorry we are, we talk about the baby and how as soon as this one is born that we’ll go straight in for another, our plan had always been to be young parents but we’d been enjoying our life together so much, we just kept putting it off but now the time was right and neither of us could wait.

The house phone and our mobiles had been ringing while we were making love and bathing, they had rung so many times now that I’d started to worry, so I climbed out and went and retrieved both of our phones. We both had untold missed calls, the last being from Lennon so I called him first. I pulled the belt of my towelling bath robe tighter as a shiver ran through me, something was up, I just knew it.

“For fucks sake George, where have you been? Is Maca with you? Why haven’t you been answering any of your phones?”

“We were busy, whatever’s wrong?” I head back into the bathroom and sit on the edge of the bath that Sean is still lying in and admire my Husband’s chest and his tattoo with my initial. I reach out and trace the G with my finger nail and I smile when Sean shudders at my touch.

“What the fuck happened today?” Shit, did someone see us at the obstetricians?

“What, nothing, why?”

“Were you at Decadenza in Knightsbridge today?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well according to the news, you and Sean bumped into Cameron King, and Sean wasn’t happy because, according to the news, you had an affair with him last year, remember the pictures in the Sunday papers?”

I nod and lock eyes with Sean, who is currently sucking on the finger that I was tracing his tattoo with. I sigh. “Yes, I remember.”

“Well the story being run in tomorrow’s papers and which the record label has been fielding questions about all afternoon goes like this… You had an affair with Cam last year because Sean is gay and you wanted a baby. Cam got you pregnant, you lost the baby so now you are back seeing Cam to try and get pregnant again and you and Sean run into him at Decadenza today. Sean is pissed off, you argue, you throw a drink in his face then storm off. While you’re outside, Cam declares his undying love for you, then jumps in his car and drives off, Sean comes out after him and now you two are getting divorced.”